Hello old bean
How is the master?
We're having a frightfully posh soiree
It's Halloween, we're having pasta
Shaped like Tony and Cherie
We've got Jim Murphy and George Osborne
But not Theresa May or Jez
It's a reunion of the forlorn
The return of the living dead
The Heretics have taken over the gazebo
Lucinda is being stalked by a paedo
The Satanists are rummaging in the wine cellar
Our kitchen utensils are being rubbed by Uri Geller
The tennis court has been grafitted
With a huge drawing of a phallus
Tarquin admits he is defeated
And a little jealous
The gargoyles on the west wing turrets
Are not as frightening as our guests
Some have extensions on their mullets
And half their lunch on their string vests
The Heretics have taken over the gazebo
Lucinda is being stalked by a paedo
The Satanists are rummaging in the wine cellar
Our kitchen utensils are being rubbed by Uri Geller
Take away the SNP
They're bad, bad, bad, bad, bad you see
We're riding in on a wave of sick
One horse short of the apocalypse
Who is that staggering round the pagoda?
Who the hell invited Kezia and Jola?
